Bridesmaid today, bride tomorrow – Turning project losses into client wins

“Sorry, it was a really hard decision. You were very close.”

Words we all dread hearing.

You qualified the opportunity thoroughly. They loved your credentials. The chemistry was good. Your proposal was compelling and competitive.

But you lost the job.

It hurts – especially if it’s happened several times recently.

‘Always the bridesmaid, never the bride,’ as the saying goes.

It can also feel like a poor return on the time, energy and senior attention invested – particularly when the new-business pipeline is under pressure.

A client of mine recently lost a big project in exactly these circumstances. She’d given herself every chance and still didn’t win. It was a blow, but it wasn’t a complete surprise.

The project was with a new client. It was big and complex, and she was competing against an incumbent agency.

We tend to take losses personally. It feels like a rejection of our thinking, our ideas or even our personalities – especially when the chemistry seemed good and we can’t understand what went wrong.

So, what do we do?

We lick our wounds and think, “Fuck it” – or decide they’re the problem. Then we dust ourselves off and move on to the next opportunity.

It’s a perfectly natural response. But it isn’t necessarily the right one.

Losing the first opportunity – especially when it’s a substantial project for a new client – isn’t unusual. In fact, it can be a perfectly normal step in the process of eventually winning.

What you gain by losing

Before you walk away after a loss, take a moment to consider what you’ve gained from the process.

Firstly, you’ve simply got to know each other better.

You may have been an unknown at the beginning, but there will be some familiarity next time. Now they know you, and you understand more about how they think, communicate and make decisions.

Secondly, they should have a much clearer understanding of what you’re good at.

Perhaps the prospect didn’t fully appreciate your capabilities before. During the process, they may have discovered strengths they weren’t previously aware of.

It’s not uncommon for the first project you’re invited to compete for to be a less-than-perfect fit. Once the client understands you better, the next opportunity may be far more suited to your particular strengths.

Thirdly, you’ve shown them how you think.

Even in an unsuccessful process, you should have demonstrated your approach, the quality of your thinking and the value you could bring to their business.

Finally – and perhaps most importantly – you should have started to build trust and respect.

How you behave when you lose matters. Handling disappointment with dignity, curiosity and professionalism can leave a powerful positive impression.

Think back to the position you were in before the process began. Compare your knowledge of the client, their understanding of you and the strength of the relationship then with where you are now.

You’ll almost certainly be in a stronger position – even if you were unsuccessful this time.

Make next time easier

Immediately after my client gave me the news, I advised her to ask whether she could begin the process of becoming an approved supplier. (I hate the term ‘supplier’, but it’s what gets understood.)

Being formally added to the client’s roster would mean she’d be ready for future opportunities, removing a potential barrier to appointing her next time.

Prospective clients often soften the blow of a loss by promising that there will be more opportunities in the future. Their willingness to put you through their onboarding process can help you judge whether that promise is genuine.

The best moment to ask for this is immediately after they’ve delivered the bad news. Hopefully, they feel some regret about disappointing you, and this gives them a relatively easy way to make amends.

My client told me she’d already asked – and the client had said yes. Good news.

But they also explained that the process would take 12 weeks. So how could she realistically have won this supposedly ‘urgent’ project?

That information helped put the loss into perspective. Sometimes, despite the appearance of a level playing field, the circumstances heavily favour an incumbent. Decisions may have less to do with the quality of your proposal than you think.

I once lost a project with a new client after a months-long dance. They told us they wanted to work with us but couldn’t because the project needed to start immediately, and setting us up on their systems would take too long.

When I asked whether we could be approved for next time, they said no, explaining that the procurement process came at a cost, so they would only undertake it for suppliers they were definitely going to use.

A pretty clear signal not to persevere in this case.

‘Not now’ doesn’t always become ‘later’. You still need to pay attention to what the client does, rather than simply what they say.

Why you lost – this time

The most important thing to do after a loss is to understand why you weren’t successful.

And I recommend deliberately framing it as ‘this time’.

The best way to gather meaningful feedback is through a conversation. Ask for a 30-minute meeting in which you can listen and ask questions – in that order.

Arrange it for a few days later, giving your initial emotions time to subside.

Your aim is to discover:

• What made the difference between the appointed firm and you?

• Which parts of your proposal created the most confidence?

• Where did the client have doubts?

• What would they need to see next time?

• Which future opportunities would be a better fit?

The key is to stay positive and genuinely curious. Blame, excuses, defensiveness and sour grapes won’t help.

You’re not trying to overturn the decision. You’re there to learn, improve your future performance and strengthen the relationship.

These are skills I cover in my Turning losing into winning training course. It includes a framework for structuring feedback conversations and scripts for asking the right questions – all designed to elicit useful insight rather than polite platitudes.

Losing well is part of winning

Like it or not, competing for work is a reality of the creative industry. And where there’s competition, there will be wins – and losses.

But the losses aren’t necessarily permanent. In fact, I’d argue that they’re often a perfectly normal part of the process of winning. Some of my very best client relationships began with a loss.

One began with a loss at one company and led to a series of huge wins at another. Our contact moved companies but came back to us after our ‘loss’ with his previous employer. He appointed us in his new role, beginning a fruitful relationship that lasted many years and numerous successful projects.

You may need to ‘lose’ two or three times with the same client before finally securing the right opportunity. But if that results in a productive, multi-year relationship, the effort will probably have been worthwhile.

So, try to treat a “No” as a “Not now” – providing the client gives you credible reasons to believe there could be a next time.

Onboarding you, offering candid feedback, identifying better-fit opportunities or suggesting a specific reason to reconnect are encouraging signals. A vague “We’ll keep you in mind” isn’t.

So keep your chin up. Learn what you can. Remove any barriers. And stay in touch.

Try to adopt the mindset of ‘We lost the battle, but we’ll win the war’.

Today the bridesmaid. Tomorrow the bride.

Have you ever missed out on the first opportunity with a client, then gone on to build a great relationship with them?

What kept the door open?

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